Culturally Preconditioned

First Ida/Tania didn’t win…. now TeenWolf and Mom failed to make it to Final Three, and the fucking fratboys do? Major suckage, dude. It appears that the TAR Gods seem to have a sick sense of humour. What could’ve been an exciting leg, turned out to be a total dud ten minutes into the show when MamaWolf said “You hold the money and the passports” - cause I know a team will be royally fucked this episode by losing their passport. I’m usually a cold hearted, emotionless cunt.. but I got teary eyed at the end of the episode. I really did.

Teams started out at a PARK from the last pitstop in Moscow. I find it curious that the producers didn’t specify the times that the teams started out the race. In fact, I find it suspicious that the bumbling idjits made up so much time this episode, that they ended up in second place. Yes. Second. I feel like tearing my scrotum off slowly while I feed it to the cats, just restating the fact that the fuckers Dan and Andrew came in second.

Anyway, teams headed to a submarine and had to seach for an actor who was in The Hunt for Red October.  Most pointless cameo since Phua Chu Kang was on TAR a couple of years ago. Next they had to get on a taxi and head to Iskusstv PARK  - which was a graveyard of Fallen Monuments. The Roadblock is to solve clues by  counting the exact number of Lenin statues (6) and Stalin statues (2), combine those two numbers, go to a nearby antique shop and give the correct number. If they fail to give the correct number, they needed to wait 10 minutes, before trying again with a new number. Once they give the correct clue, the shopkeeper will give them a clue where they had to look for their next destination on Page 62 of the book (which states the name of the street, the author used to live). Well, ain’t that a mouthful.

Nick completed the roadblock first. Then Dallas, but he got the number wrong. Tina got it right after her second try, and clued in on Dallas on the correct number. This was about the time Dallas commited the biggest sin ever on this show. He left his money and passport in the taxi. ZOMG. Frankly I’m kinda amazed that one could lose such a thing, especially since.. well.. he must’ve just paid the taxi driver his money, right? Dayum. It was right there and then, that I basically stopped giving a fuck about how this race season is going to end. Do you want me to go on? It’s pointless really, but I will.

But then again, maybe not cause the next Detour is a total descriptive mess. Teams had to travel by taxi to yet another PARK and get a clue from a lady with a Shetland Pony. Once there, teams had to choose between (1) Riding the Rails - self explanatory - teams go to several destinations via the city underground metro collecting clues, or (2) Riding the Trains - self explanatory too - teams go to several destinations via the trolley trains (like city trams). Bla bla bla.. final pitstop.. another PARK woohoo! Not. In order of the arrivals at the pitstop :

1. Nick/Starr - I wanna shoot myself
2. Dan/Andrew - I wanna castrate myself (and everyone else around me)
3. Ken/Tina - I wanna drown myself
4. Toni/Dallas - They were eliminated, and thankfully, not at the pitstop as Phil approached them and said all the teams have checked in. Amazing that after losing their money and passport, they still trudged on with the remaining tasks of this leg. They even had to turn back and redo one of the tasks because they travelled by metro instead of taxi (to get to the pony lady). This, compared to another TARA team that wanted to quit after coming first in the first leg of the race. This, compared to a TARA team that wanted to quit because they are traumatized at the thought of sleeping at the airport. This, compared to a TARA team that didn’t know how to start their key and wanted to quit. This, compared to another TARA team that threw away a golden opportunity after given a four hour bonus. This, compared to another TARA team that actually quit and eventually won the race.  Anyway, you could kinda tell that mentally, Dallas had already quit when he came up to Toni and informed her that he lost their money and passport, but he went through with it cause he didn’t want to disappoint his mom. He knew it was all his fault and he may be a Momma’s Boy, but he’s a champ in my books. And when Toni said “you didn’t disappoint me”.. I almost lost it. You can’t make up heartwrenching drama like this, can you? *sadness* And I don’t even think they will be at the final pitstop next week to greet the “winners”.

Next week… the boring/worst/expected TAR winners ever! Take your pick..  It’s going to be down between Nick/Star and Ken/Tina but I don’t even care right now.

edited to add (this comment at the Sucks forum made me LOL ) : “It would have been better if Toni had completely lost her shit at the sight of Phil popping out of that store. Like if she had ran around screaming “NO! NOO!” and refused to stand in front of Phil until finally collapsing into tears while cursing the heavens, completely unconsolable as Phil uncomfortably yelled over her sobbing “you have been eliminated” (with Dallas in the background naked, of course).”

LOLOLOLOL now I know the reason why Dan and Andrew are still in the race. To actually provide us some unintentional laugh-out-loud moments. Hahahaha god that was hilarious. If I was Dan, I’d kill myself after watching that episode.

Teams started off from Kazakhstan for this lefg of the race. There were over 3 hours separating the first and the last team, but they were all bunched up at the airport for the flight to the next destination : Moscow, Russia. Remember last episode where Dan/Andrew left their shoes during one of the challenges? Well that action bit them back in the ass. I’m guessing they weren’t allowed to go back to the theater to get back their shoes, once they checked in to the pitstop. And since they started this leg at 12:41am, I’m guessing the stores aren’t open. Don’t know exactly why they didn’t go looking for new shoes in between legs, but then again, I don’t really care what these dufuses’ thinking process are (if any). So, they actually bought some shoes at the airport - costing them a lot of money.
All teams get on the same flight to Moscow, Russia. Once there teams had to travel to a monastery and light a candle to get their next clue. Toni/Dallas and Nick/Starr were the first two teams. Next they had to travel by taxi to a decommissioned military base (Kolosok Camp). Once at the camp, teams are faced with a Detour where they had to choose between (a) Boots - where they had to join a training squad and learn to march a short parade, or (b) Borscht - where they had to serve beet soup to 75 people at a mess hall. For both detours, teams had to don a complete military uniform before they can proceed.

All teams did the Boots detour. Dan/Andrew initially had problems putting on the sock in the proper way, so they gave up the Boots detour (thinking that the uniform wasn’t necessary for the Borscht detour). Of course, once at the Borscht detour, they found out that they HAD to don the uniform as well. And I’m too fucking lazy to complain how these idjits shouldn’t be on the race if they keep forgetting how to read their clues correctly.

And ZOMG.. was Dan’s marching completely hilarious or what? Is he suffering from some celebral palsy syndrome or something? One cannot perform THAT BAD at marching. Seriously zomgwtf.. I fucking roflmao all throughout. It was like watching a frustrated little KingKong-ManBearPig spawn throwing a tantrum. If I was him, I’d seriously kill myself after watching the show. Complete embarassment. Epic failure to the max, I’m telling you.

Once teams are done with the detour, they had to travel to a bakery in Zhukovsky for a Roadblock. In this roadblock, one person had to deliver fifty 55-pounds flour bags into the bakery. Yep.. FIFTY of those bags. Now, this is what you call the most toughest race ever - not playing some shitty Nokia game on the cell phone. I kinda wished Kelly/Christy was still on the race. It would be an awesome site watching their meltdown attempting this challenge.

After the roadblock is done, teams had to travel to Neskuchny Sad Park (Sad? wtf?) which is the pitstop for this leg of the race. In the order of their arrival at the pitstop :

1. Toni/Dallas - yay! They finally win a leg. Out of the four teams left, I would be most disappointed if this team don’t make it to the final leg.
2. Ken/Tina - they’re okay this leg. Not too annoying or overbearing.
3. Nick/Starr - Starr is turning into an annoying biatch. I honestly wouldn’t mind seeing this team leave before Dandrew.
4. Dan/Andrew - Saved by this non-elimination leg. But they are officially the most retarded, incompetent and luckiest team in TAR history ever. I’m just glad they’re still in the show because we’ll get to see Dan make a huge fool of himself in next week’s episode again. Yay!

All in all, I thought this was a pretty short leg, but pretty entertaining. I hate the fact that the frats are calling themselves as ‘the underdogs’, just as much as I hate Sam/Vince being described as ‘the underdogs’ by the shitty AXN editors that can suck my big fat ass. Next week’s preview looks interesting as one team actually loses their passport which guarantees that they are doomed, doomed, DOOMED!!!!!! It better be anyone except Toni/Dallas.

ps. and I totally <3 the bakery nazi-bitch “THIS WON’T DO!”, “READ INSTRUCTIONS!!”, “HE’S NOT FIT!!!!” LMAO

Click below if you want to skip and find out who the winners are for TARA3 :

Show Me The Spoiler

Okay, this is it. The finale to The Amazing Race Asia 3. Excited much? I gotta say that I certainly was. There were spoilers pointing to a Sam/Vince win (the Sony ad, the ‘underdogs’ comments etc), and there were spoilers pointing to a Geoff/Tisha win (the interviews, the reported leak etc).. and yet there was not a single thing pointing to Ida/Tania winning this thing. I was going with my theory that the spoilers were red herrings, and since Ida/Tania had no winners spoilers.. then they MUST’ve won this thing.

Well, fuck me and my dumb fucking theory.. and my even more dumb fucking shitting (turned out to be true) hunch. Urgh.

Teams start off in Oman. Tania/Ida were the first to leave at 5:42am, and Geoff/Tisha followed shortly after. They were to head to the Governate (?) of Muscat offices to get their next clue. Of course, there was an Hours of Operation there.. the offices open at 08:00am. Based on what Geoff said, they both reached the offices circa 7:30am. Once the offices opened, the clue tells them to head to Said’s Camel Farm in Al-Abyad where they had to transfer 10 Joe Camels from a tent to a cage.

Ida/Tania stops for food for the umpteenth time (which is why I am so fond of this team). Geoff/Tisha’s four wheel drive got stuck in the sand. Ida’s comment “I wouldn’t wish my worst enemy to be stuck out here (in the hot desert).. oh wait.. ” followed in quick succession to a shot of Geoff/Tisha’s stuck 4WD, was unintentionally funny. Good job, editors. Unfortunately that was the only good job they did for this episode. Oh and Geoff actually made me snicker with his “they spit and leave saliva hanging out” comments (about the Camels.. not about Ida/Tania.. or the editors). Surprisingly Ida/Tania made it to the Camel Farm first! MALAYSIAN GODDESSES OWNAGE! And they managed to finish the task as Geoff/Tisha started their task. (The “Apa Khabar” greeting by the clue giving person was a nice shout out to Malaysians! Exact same treatment you can expect if you ever go to Turkey, by the way).

Now, this is where the logistics boggles the fuck out of my mind.

Because of the quitting penalty from the last leg, Sam/Vince reportedly started this leg at 10:04am. But as Geoff/Tisha made their way off from the Camel Farm, Sam/Vince were already approaching the Camel Farm. MMm that’s right. You do the math. Did they really start off at 10:04am, or were there some intervention from the powers that be (cause you know it happened in TAR, right? and 12-hour mandatory rest? 12-hour, my ass. Lies, lies I tell ya! I can’t speak for TARA, but even TAR sometimes take two whole days in between legs. Fact, y’all). Anyway, it all seems very suspect to me at the point.. but wasn’t really surprised after they started showing really perky and happy confessionals from Sam/Vince. Nice work at hiding who the winners are, editors. So Emmy worthy!!!!111!SATU!!111

Anyway, Ida/Tania made their way to Huber Sands for the next Roadblock. They had to use locate keys buried in the hot sand, with the help of a metal detector and a shovel. There were 70 keys strewn out across a huge patch of sand, and only 7 of the keys can open the clue box. Tania finished the Roadblock first, as Geoff/Tisha arrived at the Roadblock. MALAYSIAN GODDESSES OWNAGE REDUX!!!!!!!

Unfortunately, karma’s a bizzle yada yada yada.. I know I know STFU… and Ida/Tania’s 4WD next got stuck in the sand. Ah such bad luck. Geoff/Tisha finished their roadblock and heads off leaving Ida/Tania behind.
The next clue was for the teams to fly to their final destination, Phuket, Thailand.. how glorious. Ida/Tania were helped by a helpful Oman person with the car, and the two teams made their way to the airport. Drama ensues.

From what was told, there were four flights out from Muscat to Dubai, where teams can make connecting flights to Phuket. Geoff/Tish and Ida/Tania took different flights. Geoff/Tish booked a flight from Muscat to Dubai to Bangkok to Oman, whereas Ida/Tania took a flight from Muscat to Dubai, and I think they were planning on looking for flights from Dubai to Phuket once they reach Dubai (which is understandable since there are a gazillion different flights out of Dubai every second or so). Surprise, surprise… Sam/Vince got to the airport just in time to catch the same flight as Geoff/Tisha.

Somehow, Ida/Tania missed their original intended flight out of Dubai (*fucking ticketing cunt who took over extended coffee break causing Ida/Tania to miss their flight - supreme extreme undying hatred*)… and yeah, I think all viewers at that point realized that the best team in TARA (ever!) just got FUCKED big time. *tears*

Suddenly, the TARA3 producers gave the Ida/Tania a super speed bump which was a private jet straight to the final pitstop.. and they took it, and raced to the pitstop where Allan Wu announced “Ida/Tania, you are the winners of the Amazing Race Asia!!!*orgasm*!!1!!”.

Okay that didn’t really happen, but alternate endings are always much more fun (to my knowledge, what really happened was Eric/Danielle’s plane crashed and burned, and Charla/Mirna ended up winning TAR All Stars.. YAY! And if you beg to differ, kindly get the fuck away from me).

Okay.. okay.. so Geoff/Tisha and Sam/Vince got to Phuket and both teams headed to Sam Kong temple for their next clue, which tells them to go to Siray Island and find a cube of ice in a large ass tub of crushed ice. Sam/Vince were in the lead as Geoff/Tisha’s driver got lost. And as much as I try to keep an open mind towards Geoff.. I started hating him again after he uttered Roviltwat’s not-so-wise-words-of-lamedom “You live and die by the taxi driver” - actually Roviltwat ‘died’ in TARA2 because of his utter idiocy for not completing the final challenge. Haha. Screw you Roviltwat fantards.

After finding the cube, teams head to Lam Hin Pier where they had to get on a traditional Thai Fishing Boat and search for a fishermen in the middle of the sea, to get their next clue. Mmm yeah.. totally unnecessary, when they could’ve given the Detour clues right there and then at the Pier. The final detour was between (1) Pull - where teams had to kayak to an oyster farm and find a marked oyster shell, or (2) Plunge - where teams had to search the sea floor for a giant sea clam and search for a pearl. Sam/Vince did Pull, and finished it first - while Geoff/Tisha looked helplessly as their kayak went round and round and round. Ida/Tania were probably somewhere above the Indian ocean at this point in time. Poor darlings.
The final clue was to dig a treasure box somewhere on the beach and carry it to the final pitstop which is not too far off. Such a weird challenge. So… Sam/Vince came in first and won. Geoff/Tisha came in second. Ida/Tania came in third.

Not too happy with the final results. I was hoping Ida/Tania would at least finish second, but hey! They really DID manage to race from beginning to end, and completed ALL challenges (can’t be said the same for certain teams), and more importantly HAD FUN throughout the race, and even more important.. cemented themselves a place in TARA : All Stars. Trust me on this one. But I can’t help but think they would’ve kicked ass and probably go on winning the season had they been on the same flight as the two. Ah well.

Despite my bitching and this :

I thought this was a pretty good season. A much better one than TARA2 at least.. but then again.. fecal matter is better than TARA2. But yeah, I did enjoy this season.. partly due to the absolutely GREAT MALAYSIAN TEAMS - HENRY and BERNIE (you guys got so fucking robbed, it’s not even funny!) and IDA and TANIA (Thank you for restoring my faith in enjoying this franchise again!). Thanks for being such awesome racers. I’m just counting the days to seeing you guys appear in TARA All Stars. Great job guys! <3 <3 <3 <3

ps. Ida/Tania - rest assured the immediate (relatively) unbiased feedback at the Sucks forum is that despite the outcome of this race, you guys truly were the stars of this season.

An exciting leg, for a change. Teams finally left India and head to Almaty, Kazakhstan. All five teams were all within 1.5 hours at the start of this leg. However, thankfully, there were flight bunchings at the airport as they got on 3 different routes from India to Kazakhstan. Nick/Star, Toni/Dallas and Ken/Tina made their way via Frankfurt, Terrence/Sarah through Moscow, and Dan/Andrew via Dubai. Once in Almaty, teams headed to a Chicken Farm to get their next clue.. only to be foiled by the dreaded Hours of Operation.

The clue at the Chicken Farm contains information on the next Detour, and also a clue to the Fast Forward. Nick/Star and Sarah/Terrence quickly leaves the farm and head towards getting the Fast Forward at a restaurant. At the restaurants, teams find out that they had to eat the local Kazakhstan delicacy - which turns out to be two bowls of soup containing meat/fat from the rear end of a sheep. I don’t know about you guys, but this little FastForwards makes me wanna head down to Raja Sup in Taman Tun Dr Ismail tomorrow. YUMMY.. haven’t had cow’s tongue in a while now. The local delicacy is nowhere as gross as what the TARA3 racers had to endure, that’s for certain. I would like to say that both teams were neck and neck trying to finish the fast forward, but that would be lying. Terrence sucked so much at this challenge. I knew he’d be the one to fuck it up for this team. So… midway through they give up and head back to the Chicken Farm as only one team will be able to get the Fast Forward, and Nick/Star didn’t seem like they were slowing down. So Nick/Star got the Fast Forward, and were once again the first team to head straight to the pitstop. *yawnsies*

Back to the rest of the teams. At the Chicken Farm, they had to search for one of only seven golden eggs hidden on the grounds among all the chicken and shit (literally speaking). One thing I noticed, TAR has been amazing with the added soundtrack to the footages - I wish the TARA producers would pick this up for added entertainment, instead of shoving product placements in our faces. Pimp Mama (ie. Toni) managed to find the golden egg first and made their way out. Andrew found his egg next, and closely followed by Tina. Sarah was way behind the other teams, so they’re probably not worth mentioning from here on out.

Next they had to search for a giant crane truck thingamagic, get on it, and instruct their drivers  to drive to Koktobe Arch and hike up a hill and wait for a Mongolian Warrior. As expected, Ken/Tina overtook the fatties on the ride to the Arch. Seriously? Dandrew’s nonchalance in this race is so fucking annoying.. even more so than AD/Fuzz. How the hell did they end up this far in the game? Pimp Mama and son were the first to get their clue (via the wickedly cool flying clue-bearing eagle zomg) for the next Detour.

For the Detour, teams had to choose between (1) Play Like Mad - where teams had to learn to play a tune using two different types of local musical instrument, and play in public to collect tips, or (2) Act Like Fools - where teams had to travel to the children’s theater and don a cow costume, walk through public, find milk booth, drink milk, find clue, go to market and deliver themselves (LOL) to the butcher. Glad to know everyone realized that although option 2 sounds long-winded, it was indeed the better detour to choose. And the cow-costume thingy was put to much better use than it was in the latest installment of the Mole (seriously worst self-proclaimed Mole in the history of Moles ever).

Suffice to say that Toni/Dallas did no wrong in this task and was the first ones to complete, and they were the second team to arrive at the pitstop (YAY!) Well done! Ken/Tina did a lot of snafus on this one.. well Tina, mostly.. well Tina did everything wrong actually. First up, she missed the clue at the bottom of the milk glass, then she was stupid enough to say the clue tells them to leave the cow outfit back at the theater, before heading to the market. Obviously she was wrong and lost valuable time getting back the costume before they can proceed back to the market and to the pitstop. She almost did her third straight mistake by saying “let’s take a cab” before Ken reminded her that they were to “go on foot”. Seriously, did all the green dye get into her brains from last week? Or did she get some divorcee cooties from Kelly/Christy for suddenly turning so dumb? It’s hard to tell, people. Whatever it is, they actually were the third team to arrive at the pitstop.

Next, the bumbling fucking idiots, the Frat boys. I wonder which dumbass fraternity actually accepted these two fools’ initiation? These guys actually left their shoes at the theater (why in fuck, right?) and actually got into a cab instead of getting to the pitstop on foot.  I was wishing so hard that these two would get the 30-minute penalty or something that would lead them to being eliminated ala the Indian guy models in TARA1 (man, was that a superbly delicious elimination or what?) Alas.. they did manage to turn back to the market, and make their way back to the pitstop on foot (literally since the shitheads left their bags at the theater) in time to be the fourth team to arrive. I really loathe this team, I really do. There’s nothing redeeming at all about this team, especially the four-eyed git.. he’s such a big whining baby. Really.

Oh, and Sarah/Terrence was the final team to arrive. I honestly though Phil would say “.. However, this is a pre-determined..” but he didn’t. I was actually surprised cause I thought this would be an NEL. 11 episodes in and how many NEL’s have we got this season? I’m too lazy to go through my own posts to find out. Ah well.. it was nice while it lasted. I actually thought Sarah/Terence were actually going to win.. so I’m superbly glad that my gut was wrong. Let’s hope my gut stays wrong for the outcome for TARA3.

Next week’s preview looks good. Dan making a fool out of himself. And the downfall of Nick/Star. How could you not want to watch next week’s episode. But for now.. tomorrow, at least.. Raja Sup. MmMmmmmMmmmMMMMMmmmmm (don’t be hating me cause you’re still in the States, Siew Kim).

Okay where do I start? Where do I fucking start? I should be happy that Ida/Tania made it to the finals, but I’m overtaken by my rage over AD/Fuzzie quitting the race after a golden opportunity was practically given to them. Whatever good things I’ve said about these two, I officially take it back. Their actions were kind of a little FUCK YOU to the fans who’ve been rooting for them.

And YES PEOPLE! The Malaysian Goddesses have made it to the Finals. YAYGASM! Not only that, they also totally pwnt this leg of the race and came in first place at the pitstop!

Okay, so teams started off in Pune in India. They had to take a taxi to the Bhaja Caves (which looked absolutely spectacular) whiuch was about 60km away from Pune. Teams were all bunched up over the Hours of Operations (the caves open at 08:15 am). Once they get into the caves, the clue tells them to get back to Pune on a train. WTF? Go there, come back. I’m guessing the editors were really looking for some obvious Indian-train drama - but I guess that didn’t happen.

Once back in Pune, teams had to take note of a Mahatma Ghandi statue and go to a designated Standard Chartered ATM for their next clue. The clue says to key in Ghandi’s year of birth in the ATM to get the next clue. zomg what was the point of asking the teams to take note of the Ghandi statue? If the producers deliberately wanted to confuse the racers, then well done. ALOL @ Tisha typing in the wrong key. Guess what? I’m older than Ghandi by one year! Dumb dumb dumb. And even dumber, the penalty was to wait 10 minutes after they keyed in the wrong combination. The show sure do love their 10 minute penalties huh? Oh well.

The next clue reads : FLY TO MUSCAT, OMAN! Wow! Finally an amazing destination. Unfortunately no airport drama as all teams are bunched up on the same flight to Oman. Once in Muscat, they needed to find a marked vehicle and drive themselves to Al Alam Palace, then drive to Nizwah Fort which was 140 km away from Muscat. There was an Hours of Operation bunching at the fort, so all teams caught up with each other again.

I loved the fake clueboxes at the Fort : “Did you think it’s this easy?”, “So wrong”, “Sorry try again”. LOL Now TAR/TARA has placed fake clues before, but not many with the racers not knowing that they were fake till they opened it. Well done, producers. Wait, did I just say that right? Teams then had to go to Mutrah Souq for their next detour. Teams had to choose between (1) Carpet - where they had to match unique designs taken on the Sony cybershot camera, with the corresponding carpet, or (2) Count It - where they had to count thousands of betelnut (very similar to the one in TARA).

All teams chose Count It, but Geoff/Tisha changed midway through, and went to do the carpets. Then they changed back to the betel nuts. Then back to carpets. Then back to betelnuts. Seriously, is this some kind of a record? Anyway, Sam/Vince finished it first, then Ida/Tania, then AD/Fuzz and finally Geoff/Tisha. However, that didn’t really matter since all four teams got lost finding their way to the next destination, Wadi Tanuf, which was 2.5 hours away from the Souq.

Now here’s where things got interesting. The final roadblock this leg was traversing across a canyon to get their clue. Sam was the first to go. He got the clue first, then made his way back to the other side of the canyon. He stalled. Ida was the second to go. She got the clue, and overtook Sam and was the first to finish the roadblock. Geoff was the third to go. He overtook Sam and completed the roadblock. Sam was still halfway through pulling himself across the canyon, when Fuzzie started on the roadblock. Fuzzie had the clue and tried to make her way back to the other side. She stalled.

Sam was disgustingly begging to Vince saying that he couldn’t do it. Seriously, it was pathetic and disgusting. The incessant whining, begging and grovelling. YUCK. If real men want to quit, they’d just say FUCK THIS SHIT (like Tisha’s comment which was censored out at the Souk). Disgusting. Anyway, I couldn’t fucking believe it when they actually quit the task and incurred themselves a FOUR HOUR penalty.

Now, since this is the penultimate episode, I’ll just go on the record and say this. I have had a major hunch that Sam/Vince are going to win this race. HOw do I know? Let’s just say that AXN isn’t too secretive about the outcome of the show. I might be wrong (and believe me, I’m PRAYING that I’m wrong still) but I do think they’ll go ahead and win this show. So imagine my pleasant surprise when they actually quit the roadblock!

That gave AD/Fuzz a 3.5 hour lead!!!!!!!! which was a fucking golden opportunity because they already have the 30-minutes penalty from the last episode. I actually thought with 3.5 hours to go, there’s no fucking chance in hell that these two people wouldn’t try and finish the roadblock.

Alas.. they too chose to quit. Motherfuck. Seriously, that was a major FUCK YOU to all your fans. Urgh.

Next up was the pitstop. Ida and Tania were the first ones to arrive (officially the best TARA team in existence ever), Geoff and Tisha was second (they deserved it) and Sam/Vince were third (luckiest asshats ever, especially if they go on winning this race). AD/Fuzz- buhbye. And I can’t believe I’m actually saying this since I’ve been supporting them since Episode 1, but good fucking riddance.

Now, next week’s preview is pretty interesting. The following tags have been used in the previews to describe the teams :

• Geoff/Tisha - will they pull an upset and win ? (I thought these guys were the absolute favourites at the AXNSHITTY forum?)
• Ida/Tania - will they continue their lucky streak ? (Lucky? They’ve been competent, not lucky. Lukcy = the asshats that quit and are now in the finals)
• Sam/Vince - will the underdogs win? (Underdogs? WHAT FUCKING UNDERDOGS?)

I’m sorry but it’s painfully obvious that Sam/Vince is going to win. Again, this is not a spoiler, but a major, major hunch that I have, so let’s all pray that I’m wrong.. and the Malaysian Goddesses will go ahead and win this.

ps. Oman is amazing! It’s a shame that we saw so little of it on the show.

Man, I loved tonight’s episode. Just loved, loved, loooved it. Teams are still in Delhi throughout this leg of the race. At the start of the leg, teams had to make their way to Deshbandu Apartments and look for a clue. The clue reads a Roadblock where one of the team members had to take part in the Holi festival. They had to go through the revellers, who were throwing paint and magical fairy dusts, and searcg for the correct clue at the top of the tower.

Okay, that festival? Yeah, that was downright scary. Sorry if this sounds offensive, but it really was scary. One of the f(r)at boys commented that it was like a street party, but instead of hot chicks.. it was a “sausagefest of guys” LOL. That was funny. And Kelly really defined what “KENA BAMBU” means. Hahaha I so enjoyed watching that. And how stupid can you get with the clue? Holy crap. They lost at least 45 minutes on that roadblock, and dropped what.. 4 notches in the placements? Seriously, too stupid to live.

Once the roadblock was done, teams had to go to Old Delhi and find the Charity Birds Hospital and search through the cages for their next clue. I though this was an interesting way to find the clue.. until I saw that there couldn’t possibly be more than 50 cages at the place.  Oh well. There was a SPEED BUMP at the hospital waiting for Ken and Tina - who had to perform an additional task before resuming. The extra task was to go to a certain temple and offer help in serving holy water to people who came to the temple. The clue read that they must do this till no one wants to drink the water anymore.. and I was like.. ZOMG how long is THAT going to take??? But apparently, it finished earlier than I anticipated, so Ken and Tina quickly finished off the speed bump and joined the rest.

The clue at the Hospital was a Detour. Teams had to choose between (1) Bleary Eyed - where they had to keep track of the power lines on a long street, note down the small numbers and reveal that to the person holding the clue at the end of the street. Or teams had to choose (2) Teary Eyed - where they had to deliver two forty-pound sack of dry chillies and pound some to fill a huge bowl. I have to say, I thought that both choices were equally difficult, but it seemed only Terrence and Sarah opted to go for the chillies.

Nick/Star.. well Star basically. I just want to stab Nick in the eye for being an unnecessary uncooperative lying cunt. Star decided that this would be a good time to work together with Toni/Dallas.. which proved helpful as they were the first two teams to finish the task. Kelly/Christy and Dan/Andrew had a difficult time with the task. I was laughing my ass off when that idjit manhater tried to cover her answers when Elphaba… I mean, Tina, was there. Please, if anyone wanted to copy the correct answers, I doubt the divorcees would have it. Dumb bitch. Ken/Tina surprisingly finished the task ahead of the two teams and they actually offered some help to Dan/Andrew.

See people?  I fucking know you don’t get on these reality shows to make friends.. but being NICE can actually help you out in the game. I’m fucking surprised how many people keep saying shit like I’M NOT HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS. We fucking get it. But for the love of Mirna, don’t be complete jackasses to everyone in the game - and then go boo-fucking-hoo when you don’t get help from the other teams.
And can I just say that the clue giver at the power lines task, was one of the best ones I’ve seen. I love his couldnt-give-a-fuck attitude as he throws away the team’s notepad (with the wrong clues), and basically shooes them away to redo the challenge.. and also the way he shoved Tina away - I mean, wouldn’t you do the same thing if someone were to breathe down your neck while you’re checking on something? Okay, maybe you won’t, but I wouldn’t hesitate for a tic.

Next was the pitstop at the Humayun’s Tomb - which also gave us one of the more interesting pitstop greeter - who seemed to care more about watering the plants than to greet the racers. LOL. In the order of the arrival at the pitstop :

1. Nick/Star - Star is okay. I still can’t stand gay Nick.
2. Toni/Dallas - Glad they didn’t lose their momentum. Loving this team.
3. Terrence/Sarah - It feels like they’re in this race, completely on their own. *shrug* Uber weird team. Watch them win this race.
4. Ken/Tina - Nice comeback. Tina reminds me of the wicked witch Elphaba with the green ‘do. She still looks like a cat lady though.
5. Dan/Andrew - Meh.
6. Kelly/Christy - can’t believe the bitter bitch still complains about her ex-husband in her closing statement. I bet the ex-hubby is laughing his ass off watching how she comes across on the show. Anyway, glad these beyotches are gone. Good riddance.

Next week’s episode seems to show a second Fast Forward.. or is it a super fast forward.. I dunno.. but I sure hope to Charla, Nick/Star won’t get it. I’m sick of seeing these two far ahead in the race.

I’m torn as to how I feel about this latest episode. I’m still reeling over the loss of Henry and Bernie from the last episode. I have to say that despite them ending up fifth, I feel that they really are one of the most competent teams to ever be on the race, so… bravo guys! You made us proud, and if McKay keeps casting mactors like these to represent Malaysia, then I will have absolutely zero qualms about it. Okay, now back to the show.

Teams left from Cochin and head to Pune (which kinda sounds like Punai), about 120 kilometers east of Bombay. All teams get on the same plane to Bombay. Once in Bombay, Ida/Tania was the only team who took a chance by NOT taking a pre-paid taxi for the 3 hour long drive to Pune. This proved to be an advantage to them since it took them into the lead. Once in Pune, teams had to play cricket at the Jawaharlal Nehru stadium.

On one hand, I thought it was kind of a good way to incorporate one of India’s most beloved sports into the race. The execution, however, was kind of retarded. So the teams didn’t complete the challenge, so they get a 10 minute penalty, so what? At least this was an improvement over the rugby challenge thingy in one of the earlier episodes. The next clue tells them to use the MAPS application on the Nokia thingymagic and guide the rickshaw driver to their next clue. Geoff and Tisha had a tough time with this one, where they actually went around in circles. Note to future racers : get yourself a Nokia phone and familiarize yourself with it. Seriously.
Next is a roadblock where they had to search among 50 men in a park somewhere and find the one wearing the correct bheta. Mmm what? All the time I was watching this segment, all I could think of was how much these people are getting paid to wander around aimlessly under the hot sun and let strangers hold your head at their will. Unlike the spot-the-kiwi-tattoo challenge in TAR13, this one actually left me scratching my head.

Next, is the obligatory head to the nearest Sony Showroom, for the uninspired Sony HD camcorder challenge. This time they needed to convince someone to tell a joke while they record the whole thing on the camcorder. If that wasn’t lame enough,  they even got six incredibly dense ‘judges’ to determine if the jokes are funny or not. For what it’s worth, the joke told by the old man (about Sadarjhi’s playing chess) was definitely snicker-worthy. I bet these idjits would probably pop a vein in their brains if they accidentally watch an episode of Frasier. And come on, the pig eating shit joke was hilarious! What is wrong with these people? Those Sony employees are serious dumbasses (Yes. I hope at least one of you fuckers are reading this).
After the lame Sony challenge, a detour. Teams had to either (1) Push - load 75 clay pots and deliver at least 70 unbroken through the streets on a push cart, or (2) Crush - crush sugar cane sticks and sell at least 40 cups to strangers. Ida/Tania did Push, while the rest did Crush. Ida/Tania and Sam/Vince were neck and neck doing this detour. There was a U-Turn after the detour. If a team is U-Turned, they had to complete the other detour that they didn’t do.

Sam/Vince finished first and the soft spoken one contemplated on U-Turning Ida/Tania. THE FUCKING NERVE! Anyway, at this point in the race, why wouldn’t you U-Turn the biggest physical threat (Geoff/Tisha) ? Anyway, they decided not to U-Turn anyway. Ida/Tania were next. They wanted to U-Turn Geoff/Tisha, but unfortunately they misplaced their own picture, so they couldn’t do it. Gaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh I was so frustrated. Geoff/Tisha were next and they U-turned AD/Fuzz who were trailing not far behind. Again, much as I don’t like Geoff/Tisha, that was a good move IMO. Even though if this leg turned out to be a Non Elimination Leg, it would still put the last team at a distinct disadvantage. Poor AD/Fuzz had to complete the clay pots challenge after getting U-Turned. And after that, the pitstop. In the order of the arrival at the pitstop :

1. Sam/Vince = Not loving this team. Watch them win the race.
2. Ida/Tania = They were frontrunners throughout this leg. How can you not love them? <3<3<3 But how did they misplace their picture for the U-Turn. Urghhhh I still heart this team to death though.
3. Geoff/Tisha = If they get into the Final Three, which they will, watch them win the race.
4. AD/Fuzz = Please please please let a second miracle happen and let AD/Fuzz be in the Final 3 with Ida/Tania!

Major rant alert : WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? PLACING A U-TURN IMMEDIATELY BEFORE THE FUCKING PITSTOP? That practically gave ZERO chance of the unfortunate team of ever catching up. That fucking blows, man.

Product placements and lame challenges aside, I still think this leg had it’s exciting moments, probably due to how close the teams all were (before the U-Turn). Here’s hoping we’ll get a non-too sucky Final Three teams next week! Go Ida/Tania! Go AD/Fuzz!

Terrence is a whiny cunt. Watch him win this race.

Kelly and Christy are whiny cunts. Watch them win this race.

The four-eyed frat manbearpig is a whiny cunt. Watch him win this race.

Sorry I missed the recap for last week’s TAR13. Working the night shifts almost always throw me into some weird loop. I made some notes on the episode somewhere, but couldn’t find them.. but I thought it was pretty cool that they visited the Angkor Wat in the last leg. Teams arrived within an hour of each other at the pitstop and Aja/Ty were eliminated. Terrence/Sarah were incurred a 30-minute penalty at the beginning of this leg (so glad the word ‘pitstart’ was never used) because of a traffic offense.. although I’m not quite sure why the penalty was not incurred immediately at the end of the last leg.

In this leg, teams had to fly out to Delhi, India. Teams had to buy tickets at a tour agency before getting to the airport. Teams were all bunched up on the same flight, which is okay, I guess.. considering how close everyone were at the end of the last leg. Once in Delhi, teams had to find Moon Light Motors, were they received a clue.. that turned out to be a Roadblock (”who’s got an artistic flair”) where one team had to cover a taxi and paint it green. Dan and Andrew were the first to finish.. only to fuck it up again by not getting a taxi. I’m telling ya, these guys are the kings of losing-the-leads. I was actually slowly starting to root for them.. but I have come to the conclusion that they are a lost cause.

Once they finished the roadblock, teams had to make their way to Ambassador Hotel and search the gardens for an Indian Doormand who will give them their clue. And by ’search’, they mean.. head straight down to the hotel, and immediately spot the guy in costume standing right smack in the middle of the fucking garden. A detour is next, and teams had to choose between (1) Launder Money - where teams had to go to a banquet hall, create a necklace with Indian notes totalling to a specified amount.. basically too confusing even for me to explain, or (2) Launder Clothes - where teams had to go to a Dhobby and press 20 pieces of clothing using the traditional iron. You’d think this would be an obvious choice, but surprisingly enough.. two teams, Sarah/Terrence and Ken/Tina, chose to do the first one.

After the detours are done, teams head to the next pitstop, which is the Baha’i House. In the order of their arrival at the pitstop :

Show Me The Spoiler

All in all, a pretty mild episode.. and looks like they’ll be staying in India still next week. Boy, the franchise sure love shooting in India, don’t they?

so.. no major thoughts yet, although I already found out who got eliminated. *le sigh*

 

hopefully I’ll be able to catch a repeat of this episode tomorrow.

OHGODDAMNFUCKINGSHIT

There I’ve said it.

Well that was what I was thinking the first 59 minutes of tonight’s episode anyway. Can’t say that this was unpredictable, as they did the same thing with Terri/Henry from last season (saved from elimination back to back).. but I thought this would be a To-Be-Continued leg. Am I happy with the outcome of this episode? I dunno.. I’m kinda torn, but I’m glad Ida and Tania are still in the race.

Teams started off from the last leg (Sam/Vince were first to start the leg at 5:47am, and Ida/Tania were last to start at 9:57am). Teams had to travel to Mongkok Market and collect two goldfish and deliver it to an aquarium. Perhaps one of the most WTF challenges this season. I mean, it’s not like catching and delivering live chicken on foot somewhere. All they had to do was carry two bags and get on a taxi and wait for the aquarium to open. Teams were stalled with the Hours Of Operations as the shop only opens at 11am (sorry but what kind of a lazy ass opens his shop at 11am?).

Next they had to get on a ferry to Macau. Sam/Vince actually ran on foot to the ferry station, and got a huge lead, Major home advantage if there was one.  Tisha/Geoff swapped for a ferry that leaves 5 minutes earlier than AD/Fuzz and Henry/Bernie - which proved to be an excellent move on their part cause that contributed to the lead that they maintained the rest of the leg. Even 5 minutes makes a difference, y’all. Ida/Tania took a ferry much much later than the rest.

Once in Macau, they had to go to Senado Square on a petticab (?) aka trishaw and get their next clue. Caution : Yield Ahead. Sam/Vince mentioned that they might yield someone but they didn’t mention names - but I already knew they were targetting Henry/Bernie, way before Sam high-fived Tished later. I mean, that only made sense. Geoff/Tish were the next to arrive, and THEY yielded Henry/Bernie. I’m not their fan, but that was totally understandable, and justified IMO. It’s about time the rest of the four teams realize that Henry/Bernie are the alpha-male team this season, and they need to be stopped if the rest really wants to win this race.
The next Roadblock was to ‘climb the ladder of success’. Teams had to climb up Macau Tower and climb up the tower mast. Hmmm challenging roadblock, cause I would’ve been petrified myself, but we JUST saw this challenge on Monday on TAR13. *shrug* Anyway, Vince finished first, followed by Geoff. Fuzzie was overtaken by Bernie (whose yield lasted for only 15 minutes). Tania came soon after. While doing the challenge, Fuzzie and Tania were basically given their clues before completing the challenge, because of bad weather. Hmm another lame mercy fucking clue. When will this stop? Shouldn’t they be given some time penalty for that? Yeah I don’t care it’s bad weather. Nevermind lah.

Next the teams needed to go to Dragon Boat Pier and select a marked boat and paddle it around a bouy. I thought this would’ve been too much on the person who just did the Roadblock, because both tasks require strong upper body strength. I can only imagine how exhausted those racers were. Next was a Detour and teams had to choose between (1) Dance - complete a lion dance, or (2) Chance - win 9 rounds of blackjack in a casino. All teams but Geoff/Tisha did Chance. Not much drama here, although it was fucking funny watching AD and Fuzzie’s look of disbelief when they saw the dress. I was so laughing my ass off with their comments about that. Sam’s (seriously I don’t know which one is which.. so… sorry if I get the names wrong) switching the name tags on Henry/Bernie’s attire was a pretty ssts (snickering silently to self) moment.. but between this and their desire to yield Henry/Bernie, I guess they’re even more fake than Geoff/Tisha. I’m just saying, ya know?

Once they finished the detour, the teams head to the Ama Culturally Preconditioned Village where they had to arrange the chinese lanterns according to the Chinese Zodiac, before they were allowed to go through the doors and straight to the next pitstop. I thought this was quite an interesting challenge, before finding out that they actually had clues to help them determine the order. But oh well.. at least it was quite an attempt to include some sort of cultural thing into this leg.. I mean, they really should, seeing that they’ve stayed practically in the same region for the last few episodes.

Geoff/Tisha was the first team to arrive at the pitstop, their FIRST, I believe. They did well this episode, so good for them. I was actually glad that they were first to arrive, than the HK boys who seemed pretty overconfident this episode. Sam and Vince followed closely behind. Surprisingly AD and Fuzzie came in third place, even though they finished the Chance detour after Henry and Bernie did, who apparently had a tough time looking for a cab. And because of that, Henry and Bernie came in fourth place. And fucking finally, the beautiful Ida and Tania. I was devastated. I really thought that they would be toast this episode, if not for the NEL. But it was close. Ida and Tania were saved from elimination. However, they must come in first place in the next leg, or they will incur a 30-minute penalty.

I can only hope for miracles to start happening next week. PLEASE DON’T LET MY GIRLS GET ELIMINATED!!!!